An Exceptionally Bad Start
(this is the title of the first chapter, but also works well here)
Hello! Wouldn’t it be cute if I began each of these by saying how much I weighed (in stone) and how many alcohol units, cigarettes and calories I had consumed in the last 24 hour period? (No.)
Acknowledging that each section of our book begins with Bridget inventorying herself in this way is probably a good thing to get out of our way up front, though. It’s the kind of thing that, were I picking the book up for the first time in our year of Satan 2019, I might find very off-putting. And I am also tempted to spend the rest of our time here galaxy-braining out about how ACTUALLY, it’s not horrible that Bridget is so fixated on her weight and her eating habits because she never makes any serious attempts to change either of them and in the one instance when she actually loses weight it gives everyone an opportunity to tell her how unhealthy and unattractive she looks when she’s thinner, which is … a win … of sorts? Uh, you see why I wanted to resist doing that. Anyway, we are so emphatically not here to do any kind of analysis. This is not that kind of book club. We’re here to have a cozy chat over some trays of imported Cadbury chocolate (the US kind is now made by Hersheys which has ruined it) and if possible a discount “bottle of sparkling wine from Norway, Pakistan or similar” and just enjoy the badly-needed seasonal dopamine boost contained in this book, together.
Here are some things I love about the opening chapter of Bridget Jones’s Diary:
*Her beautifully-executed rom com victory at a work party, enacting the satisfying trope where a protagonist succeeds in a tricky social situation by being genuine and true to herself in a roomful of phonies.
*”It seems wrong and unfair that Christmas, with its stressful and unmanageable financial and emotional challenges, should first be forced upon one wholly against one’s will, then rudely snatched away just when one is starting to get into it. Was really beginning to enjoy the feeling that normal service was suspended and it was OK to lie in bed as long as you want, put anything you fancy into your mouth, and drink alcohol whenever it should chance to pass your way, even in the mornings. Now suddenly we are all supposed to snap into self-discipline like lean teenage greyhounds.”
*On routine feminine maintenance: “The whole performance is so highly tuned you only need to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed.”
Some things that, while I feel as tenderly towards them as I do to the flaws of a cherished friend, that I don’t think are worthy of the caliber of performance this book is capable of:
*The scene in the pub where a man someone knows from work descends ex machina and behaves poorly so they can yell at him about emotional fuckwittage — in general the sendup of self-help empowerment has aged badly for many reasons, but mostly my beef is that this guy drops from the ceiling to prove a point, whereas most of the characterization ranges from slightly to vastly more nuanced
*Bridget evading a hookup in progress with Daniel Cleaver because he has attempted emotional fuckwittage. This furthers the plot (we can’t have them hook up yet) but strains credulity — he already has her skirt off — he’s Hugh Grant (he’s inevitably Hugh Grant, even though I consider the movie to be a travesty and not canon) — I mean, come on.
Assorted bits and bobs:
Just as it is ok to imagine Hugh Grant as Daniel Cleaver, it is more than ok to imagine Mark Darcy as Colin Firth in part because the book was published after he had just played Fitzwilliam Darcy in the BBC Pride and Prejudice, so I think this is what the author intended. I could of course be wrong (I took a lot of theory classes in college and so I residually think speculating about authorial intent is basically illegal?) and also I’m not 100% sure of the timeline here and I can’t google it any more extensively because I have to go pick up my kids from school.
Please join me back here soon when we’ll be discussing (or whatever we’re doing) Chapter 2: Valentine’s Day Massacre
Buy the book at your local indie, or get it from the library!